Monday, April 5, 2010

Metrobus Drivers should Keep Knives, You Know What in Pants


---------------------------- Original Message ----------------------------
Subject: Case 54456547
From: csvc@wmata.com
Date: Sat., April 3, 2010 2:17 pm
To: XXXX@XXXX.com
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear XXXX:

Thank you for taking the time to make us aware of an official Metro knife being operated in an irresponsible and unsafe way. Knife safety is one of Metro's top priorities, and occurrences such as this are taken very seriously.

The information you have provided will help us identify this driver so that we can take proper disciplinary action. Safe knife handling is the chief responsibility of every Metrobus driver, and any conduct that deviates from that will not be tolerated.

Rest assured the driver in question will receive a strong finger wag, a stern talking to, and will have their official Metro knife replaced with a rubber practice knife as they are retrained in proper and safe knife operation.

We apologize for the unprofessional actions of this driver. Thanks again for contacting us, and we hope that future encounters with knives on Metrobuses will be positive experiences.


Sincerely,

Mrs. XXXX
Consumer Representative
Office of Customer Service
When responding to this email, please perform a reply with history so that
the following conversational identifier "[THREAD_ID:6203457]" is included
in your response.

**Come experience the new, cutting edge Metrobus, now with NextBus.**

---------------------------- Original Message ----------------------------
Subject: Case 543547
From: csvc@wmata.com
Date: Sun., April 4, 2010 24:17 pm
To: XXX@pXXXX.org
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear XXXX:

Thank you for taking the time to make us aware of a Metrobus delay while your driver was arrested for soliciting a prostitute while on duty. Ensuring that our drivers use their disphosable income during off-duty hours is a top priority at Metro, and occurrences such as this are taken very seriously.

The information you have provided will help us identify this driver so that we can take proper disciplinary action. The proper awareness of the presence of law enforcement personnel in the vicinity is a chief responsibility of every Metrobus driver, and any failure to do so will not be tolerated.

Rest assured the driver in question will receive retraining in the proper and quick identification of law enforcement personnel so that future delays are avoided.

We apologize for the unprofessional actions of this driver. Thanks again for contacting us, and we hope that in the future, your Metrobus driver will be more streetwise and discrete and that your experience with Metrobus operators will be positive in the future.



Sincerely,

Mrs. GXXX
Consumer Representative
Office of Customer Service
When responding to this email, please perform a reply with history so that
the following conversational identifier "[THREAD_ID:6288847]" is included
in your response.

**Experience the new Metrobus, where anything GOES!**

Other items:
Bar set to new low, area newspaper discovers
In final op/ed, Catoe bangs tired funding drum (area newspaper)
For the man who has everything

14 comments:

Michael said...

Hilarious as usual. So do you think Metro is going to get back to me with my request for all employee compensation data before or after the budget is approved?

Unsuck DC Metro said...

No. There's a big party at Metro today to celebrate their "high marks."

Anonymous said...

OMG so funny. Skewered!

Anonymous said...

THAT is funny! Love it!

Guess it is that upbeat, positive reply style of Metro that gave them such a wonderfully fantastic poll rating on the news this morning.

"Dear XXX, We apologize for ignoring your entire area of the metro region when doing our poll. We understand how you'd screw up our fine numbers and would not want to put you in a position to feel guilty..."

Anonymous said...

It's funny how every complaint is responded with "...is a top priority at Metro..."

Anonymous said...

this made me snarf my coffee. don't know whether to thank you or curse you

Anonymous said...

I seriously double-checked the dates to see if this was an April Fool's Joke. Please, PLEASE tell me those emails are not for real ...

Unsuck DC Metro said...

Not real, but that anyone would have any inkling of a doubt says a lot.;)

Anonymous said...

This is the funniest thing I've read in a long, long time. Thanks for taking a little bit of the pain away.

Anonymous said...

At this point, if Metro would actually send me emails like that I'd accept them as a humorous-veined reply that they really get it.

Anonymous said...

Mwahhahahahahahahha! Love it!

Anonymous said...

Newcomer to this blog. Love how you take Metro to task while the ahem "area newspaper" will only go so far and thus negate any real possibility of change.

The problem with Metro is funding AND the people who operate it.

Coincidentally, they are, by and large, products of the DC public schools.

Rhee for GM anyone?

Anonymous said...

Because every employee who went to DC public schools went to school under Rhee, who has only been chancellor for 2 years. You're a moron.

Anonymous said...

New slogan: Metro ho-pens doors.

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