Friday, April 30, 2010

Rider Hall of Shame: You Make Arm Barber Seem OK

There have been a lot of nominees to the Rider Hall of Shame, but the other day, Unsuck spotted a true grand champion—perhaps only surpassed in suckitude by those who poop on the seats.

It should be noted that this is the first time a fellow passenger has ever put Unsuck on the verge of getting sick and creating a human fluid isolation car. The nose pickers, nail clippers et. al. are bush league in comparison.

In the evenings, Unsuck gets on the westbound Orange Line at Federal Center SW. The train is pretty much empty there if you get on the first car, so there's always seating. Normally, Unsuck chooses the back left corner seat of the first car.

Engrossed in a book, we did sense someone sit down in the seat in front of us, but soon, her presence was undeniable as she began to huff and puff as she took off a coat and then another coat. A stray sleeve grazed Unsuck's face. She noticed. No response.

Then the coughing began. A horrible, deep, phlegm-filled hack. And of course, she didn't put her hand or elbow over her mouth. She was a one-lady germ warfare machine.

Sensing a Hall of Shame contender in our midst, we didn't want to move too far away, but we didn't want to catch the plague either, so we hopped over to the other side of the car.

And then the scratching began. She hiked up her skirt above the knees and pulled down her black, knee high stockings and began to deeply and vigorously scratch and scratch and scratch all around her calves and shins. First one leg, then the other and back. There was no apparent inflammation or rash, which was the only silver lining.

And finally, as if she wasn't already making everyone in eyesight queasy, she reached into one of her three huge bags and pulled out a big wad of napkins which she then used to wipe up the copious blood she'd drawn from all the scratching. You could tell the blood was running by the way she swiped the napkins upward, as if stemming a stream.

She did this for a couple stops, and as the train filled, some poor bastard sat down next to her but quickly opted for standing once he realized what was going on.

The blood daubing went on and on til the napkins were pretty well soaked with blood.

Once the train got above ground after Ballston, the woman turned around and asked an unwitting fellow rider if she could use her cell phone! It was yet another reason to be thankful we'd moved.

Reluctantly, the naive passenger agreed and ol' bloody nails Bertha began to have a long, chatty conversation with god knows who. She was still blabbing when we got off at East Falls Church.

Stepping out of a stale Metro car into the fresh air has never felt so good.

Other items:
Green Line may be sucky all day (WUSA9)
Usually, when quality and demand falls, so does the price. Not with WMATA. (WTOP)
Examiner take on coming fare hikes


Anonymous said...

Ya know, you just can't invent this stuff. Glad you survived intact, Unsuck!

Anonymous said...

I think I'd rather be hit by flying clipped fingernail shrapnel than to have witnessed this.

Anonymous said...

holy shit.

Anonymous said...

The horror.


Anonymous said...

Oh gross! One would think that with such a horrible cough, uncontrollable itching in which the end result would be drawing LOTS of blood that it could be a sign that she is unknowingly contagious and that she should (1) STAY HOME and (2) IMMEDIATELY schedule a doctor’s appointment!! I don’t care if there’s no sign of a rash or inflammation; usually the only time I draw a LITTLE bit of blood is when I’m scratching a mosquito bite. Well, Unsuck, is this incident going to make you quit riding Metro and continue to bike (How’s that going by the way?)?

Unsuck DC Metro said...

Stay tuned...

dan said...

What sucker let her use his/her phone? I would have directed the woman's attention to her bloody tissues and then politely declined...

Anonymous said...

I usually read your blog when I get to work as a sort of cathartic exercise: I get rid of my Metro frustration by commiserating with you.

But this is absolutely disgusting. A terrible way to start my day. I feel gross. I want to go cry.

Ms. Chyme said...

I came across the blogsphere and found your blog. I Like it so much!

Anonymous said...

I would have caused trubble. I know it. As soon as she asked for my cell I would have clearly, and with deliberate attempt to be heard by one and all, said, "You obviously have cooties. No way, Ms. Gross." Or worse, as I sat and watched her scratch, probably blurt out, "Got fleas? They got powders for that you know." I is gonna git hurt one day...

Ms. Chyme, we love it too! Helps keep us sane during the Metro Daily Meltdowns.

Anonymous said...

Ugh! I just re-read this (Stupid! Trust me, reading it once should definitely be enough! Yeah, yeah! I need to have my head examined) Now I want to go home and jump in the shower and stay there for months!! That, and pour bleach or something all over me!!

Ditto, Ms. Chyme. This is only one of two sites I visit every day. As Anon 1:56 says, it definitely helps keep us sane! Thanks, Unsuck!

Anonymous said...

Actually, based off of appearance and the blood-drawing scratching, maybe meth was involved?

Anonymous said...

Horrific. Put this one down, for god's sake.

Anonymous said...

Who the hell was the person who let her use their phone?? I would've acted like I never had one! There's no way I would've have let her transfer whatever the hell she had onto my phone.

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