Unsuck DC Metro: More on 5-second Rule

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

More on 5-second Rule

Memo

UPDATE: I've set up a Red Line meltdown thread on Facebook if you'd like to share your story.

Other items:
Nats, Metro still still at impasse (Examiner)
$5 giveaway botched (Examiner)

Comments (30)

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+13 Vote up Vote down

anony-moose · 653 weeks ago

You had me totally until the Doors+, because I wouldn't put it past metro to name something so stupidly. The Alligator vs Mississippi was the tell though, and from then on it was just out the window. Good show!

+8 Vote up Vote down

Ever Anoner · 653 weeks ago

I would actually not mind paying this high fare if I could see those operators doing the hokey pokey at every stop. TOO funny Unsuck!!!

2 replies · active 653 weeks ago

+6 Vote up Vote down

tayhlermade 47p · 653 weeks ago

"That's what it' is all about." HOKEY POKEY!

Metro is a joke, and given all the delays on trains & Bus system today... walking two miles to work doesn't seem that bad.

0 Vote up Vote down

@cajunjoel · 653 weeks ago

Two miles? That's only 30-40 minutes walking. Or you can take a bike for 10 minutes. Really. If I weren't an hour+ bike ride away for me, I'd be biking in every day.

+5 Vote up Vote down

Daily Rider · 653 weeks ago

Had me going too.
Well played.

+19 Vote up Vote down

BrianK · 653 weeks ago

The funny thing is this could be a real memo too.

+29 Vote up Vote down

Brother Maynard · 653 weeks ago

Then, shalt thou count to five, no more, no less.
Five shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be five.
Six shalt thou not count, nor either count thou four, excepting that thou then proceed to five.

1 reply · active 653 weeks ago

+12 Vote up Vote down

Daily Rider · 653 weeks ago

Three is right out!

+7 Vote up Vote down

Frequent red liner+ · 653 weeks ago

You had me up until doors+, where I was ready to write a response about how when metro puts a "+" behind anything, it's a bad sign. After that I couldn't stop laughing! I would consider switching from blue to yellow lines if yellow line conductors did the hokey pokey.

+19 Vote up Vote down

BrianK · 653 weeks ago

I hear today they are testing 20min stations holds on red this morning. If successful, will roll out to other lines this week.

3 replies · active 653 weeks ago

+7 Vote up Vote down

Ever Anoner · 653 weeks ago

Yes. The Metro insider trick for this holding is making riders walk the tracks. Somewhat like walking the plank. ;)

+9 Vote up Vote down

guest · 653 weeks ago

at least a lot of the operators this morning were saying "don't get on the red line. no, really, we mean it. don't get on the red line." :) (and mine told everyone to get off at ft. totten if they wanted to get downtown --ever.)

+2 Vote up Vote down

guest · 653 weeks ago

--and i think they should turn off rush hour pricing tonight to try and make up for all of us being charged full fare for rides that often lasted longer than it should take a train to go end-to-end on the red line.

hey i can dream right??!

+6 Vote up Vote down

jkuchen · 653 weeks ago

I must confess--I found myself mentally timing the difference between alligator and Mississippi. The three-day suspension seemed in line with such an infraction, given how much trouble the operators get into for missing the mark by an inch or two, thus causing the lurching that we've all grown accustomed to.

+9 Vote up Vote down

@VeggieTart · 653 weeks ago

What if the operator says one-banana, two-banana?

1 reply · active 653 weeks ago

+8 Vote up Vote down

Kara · 653 weeks ago

A vacation.

+10 Vote up Vote down

Annie · 653 weeks ago

I bought it until the 2.47 inches. I completely and 100% bought Doors+ and alligator v. Mississippi.

I like to think that's that's more reflective of Metro than me?

1 reply · active 653 weeks ago

+4 Vote up Vote down

SammyDC · 653 weeks ago

Same with me. I was thinking "can Metro get any dumber?" right up to the 2.47 inches off the floor. I'll admit to being slightly-over-the-hill, but I do think it's more reflective of the state of Metro's decline. I can easily envision Sarles and/or Stessel writing a memo just like Unsuck's. Brilliant satire, but sadly moving closer to the truth of WMATA's collapse.

+19 Vote up Vote down

Stan Dessel · 653 weeks ago

Most of our train operators can count to at least 4. You should be glad we have hiring standards. You're welcome.

+2 Vote up Vote down

NoNo · 653 weeks ago

I'm wondering if train operators are dumb enough to pee themselves when Richard "Dick" Sarles is not here to tell them to go to the bathroom... And Dick: Don't forget to tell them to unzip, or the rotten eggs smell won't come only from your organic brakes...

+5 Vote up Vote down

Rich · 653 weeks ago

It fails to address how long to keep the doors open. That would be 3 seconds, counted 1,2,3 in quick succession, no alligators or Mississippi's.

+7 Vote up Vote down

Dezlboy · 653 weeks ago

What a great April Fool's Day joke! Of course, Metro doesn't need to trick anyone with an April Fool's Day joke, cause every day at Metro is a joke. (you knew that was coming....)

+7 Vote up Vote down

Kara · 653 weeks ago

That memo is a spoof right?

How scary is it that I actually have to ask that?

+4 Vote up Vote down

Guest · 653 weeks ago

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for the family was getting him into the coffin.

They put his left leg in..... and then the trouble started.

+8 Vote up Vote down

@StyxRiverGynoid · 653 weeks ago

I'm sorry, but this was obviously a fraudulent memo ... no way in hell Sarles does anything "sincerely" ... giveaways, you haz one :)

+6 Vote up Vote down

Rob · 653 weeks ago

Wait, I'm confused. Is the Hokey Pokey what it's all about or safety?

+9 Vote up Vote down

jimlcunningham 80p · 653 weeks ago

Sarcasm is best when it comes on letterhead.

+3 Vote up Vote down

eed017 · 653 weeks ago

Thanks to the author of this memo, I got an unintended nasal rinse and a monitor wash. I know, I'm welcome. ;-)

+1 Vote up Vote down

Jackie Jeter · 653 weeks ago

I agree that this is absurd. They want our train operators to COUNT? Apparently management believes in slavery.

0 Vote up Vote down

@ChrisHowdy · 653 weeks ago

This was great, Unsuck. Thanks for the laugh.

Everyone, your exercise for this morning: imagine Metro finding a box containing "body parts" as happened on VRE yesterday, and the clusterf**k that would ensue.