Unsuck DC Metro: The Train Directly Behind will be here Momentarily

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Train Directly Behind will be here Momentarily

From Darren:

I am convinced there was an aspiring political adviser who took on an interim position with WMATA to come up with the words that we hear every day riding the Metro system.

If you consult a dictionary, the uses are technically correct, but after years of abuse by Metro, they've lost all meaning and now only cause pangs of dread in every rider's gut.

Directly

No hardened Metro rider has fallen for the pass-off trap for years now. Used as a premise to alleviate overcrowded trains, we’re often told that the next train is “directly” behind the train we need to board to make it to the office, school or in my case, Krav Maga on time.

The truth behind this is that there really is a train 1 to 20 stops behind the train now full and departing. Given that this is a rail system, the word "directly" is still technically correct regardless since there's nothing in between the two trains. That is, of course, if you’re not counting the mountain of sighs now piling up from those who either believed the message or couldn’t even get standing room on the first train.

“Directly” pales in comparison to the most dreaded of the "technically correct" words and phrases that are heard on the Metro.

Momentarily

How long is a moment is the question. I have had this last from a minute to over an hour, and still, it never sounds that long when crackled or boomed over the intercom. My favorite use is when stuck in a tunnel "momentarily" only to be interrupted momentarily over and over again to remind us that, yes, the train will be moving momentarily.

What are some other words that should be removed from the Metro spin lexicon? My first suggestion is "falling out."

Other items:
Carjacking at Largo Town Center (WaPo)
Riders may get more chances to speak out (Examiner)

Comments (65)

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+1 Vote up Vote down

John · 722 weeks ago

I once waited 20 minutes for a red line train that was "directly" behind.... never again...

+3 Vote up Vote down

guest · 722 weeks ago

How about instead if "incident" and "disruption," they actually tell is what it is, so that we have an idea if it's serious or not. When I see these words now, I assume the worst because it's Metro.

+6 Vote up Vote down

Corresponding Toads · 722 weeks ago

It's a good thing that dude in the wheelchair had a .30 blood/alcohol content. Getting your face slammed into cement by a couple of Metro cops hurts SO much more when you're sober.

3 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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guest · 722 weeks ago

Why are you commenting on yesterday's post here?

+8 Vote up Vote down

Corresponding Toads · 722 weeks ago

Unsuck likes to put secret links in his posts. Only they're not really secret at all - they're highlighted by an orange font.

Also, I like to keep a lively discussion whenever cops throw drunkards face-first into pavement.

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Jeter · 722 weeks ago

Dude in motorized wheelchair should've gotten a DUI.

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Stephen · 722 weeks ago

How about when they use their own in-house terms in public announcements. Like when there's a train coming with one car that's out of order, so the doors won't open and it won't have passengers.

And the operator announces that one car is "isolated."

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

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LMKCRB · 722 weeks ago

I say kudos to that driver for actually knowing the in-house terms.

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Ever and Anon · 722 weeks ago

Ban the word, "malfunction" for too many reasons to list here, not the least of which are satirical to the extreme.

Ban the phrase "We'll be holding.." The only thing I am holding onto when WAITING is my patience and sanitiy. We are WAITING, not holding in the tunnel.

Can the question on the announcement, "Is this your first time riding Metro?" Just start in with the reminders and make them funny. People listen to those "Voice of God" messages when they realize it's being said in a humerous vein. After all, one really needs a bizarre sense of humor to ride Metro.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

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HurricaneDC 76p · 722 weeks ago

That one message about safety that ends with "We would like to see you again" really has a pretty sinister overtone to it. Sort of like "that's an awfully nice house you've got Mario, it'd be a shame if something happened to it."

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Daily Rider · 722 weeks ago

I always believed they are using "Directly" in the Southern sense: "Granddaddy will be back form the store directly." Only a Southerner knows when Directly is, but suffice it to say it is not soon.

2 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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guest · 722 weeks ago

In that case, it's spelled "direckly."

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jakeod · 722 weeks ago

Metro's easily the best example of D.C.'s combination of Northern charm and Southern efficiency.

+8 Vote up Vote down

dcn8v · 722 weeks ago

Don't forget such Metro greats as:
- Escalump
- Escaleftors
- Sumpnspicious
- PlanBdextrous
- Conseaterate
- Doorker

-2 Vote up Vote down

Guest · 722 weeks ago

I used to take the Metro to Krav Maga! Do you train in Chinatown? Fortunately I haven't had to use my KM training on the Metro. Yet.

+9 Vote up Vote down

Jen · 722 weeks ago

My favorite is when they say "We hope to have the problem resolved as soon as possible." You hope to - but you might not? Either say we hope to have the problem resolved shortly or we will have the problem resolved as soon as possible. But by putting both in there its sounds like we might fix it or we might not. Our choice.

Hmmmm - maybe that really is what they mean.

+8 Vote up Vote down

jenster8dc · 722 weeks ago

"'Stand clear." To most people, I think, this means "get out of the way." To Metro, it seems to mean, "Hang on to something, because this train is going to suddenly move again."

And re "First time riding with us?" -- I think my favorite part of that announcement is the pause after the question, as the Voice of God waits for our answer.

5 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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Stephen · 722 weeks ago

Whenever I hear "First time riding with us?" I want to answer, "Nope! LAST!"

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Ugh · 722 weeks ago

Maybe they're talking to the people living in the tunnels?

+6 Vote up Vote down

Guest · 722 weeks ago

The C.H.U.D.s?

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Guest · 722 weeks ago

I think the "stand clear" warning is for the customers waiting on the platform (who tend to move right up to the train as soon as it stops).

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jkuchen · 722 weeks ago

Concur on "stand clear." The ones who came up with the phrase meant it for the people outside the train to stand clear of where they think the doors will be. Then the operators started to use the phrase away from the platform. Maybe they're warning the construction workers....

+12 Vote up Vote down

JJJJJJJJ · 722 weeks ago

i'd like to hear one that says something like, "Please don't eat your food on the metro. Yes, YOU, there. Put the food away. No one wants to smell that. Stop eating...right NOW or exit the station, eat, and come back in. Thank you. And have a nice day."

3 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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James · 722 weeks ago

About two years ago, I was on the lower platform at Gallery Place waiting for the train. About ten feet over from me was this obese teenaged girl chowing down on a Big Mac. I just kind of rolled my eyes because lord knows what that sea monster would have done if anyone other than a Metro Cop told her food wasn't allowed down there, but then this guy in headphones walks past...he looked to be in his late 20s maybe...and without a word or breaking his stride...smacks the food out of her hand and keeps walking onto the escalator. The girl went nuts with the expected tirade of f-bombs and racist slurs, but she didn't follow the guy.

That guy deserves a medal.

-2 Vote up Vote down

Ugh · 722 weeks ago

Green Line?

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@VeggieTart · 721 weeks ago

Well, if it's on the lower platform, then either Green or Yellow.

I was waiting at the Woodley Park Metro a few years ago, and I saw a woman with her two children. And the kids are horsing around on the platform, and one of them has a bottle of some sugary swill. And I don't recall seeing a cap on it. And how he didn't spill anything, I don't know. So I politely let her know that the kid should not be drinking his stuff in the station, and she snarls at me to "mind your business" because she thinks the no eating/drinking only applies to the *trains*.

Another time, my boyfriend and I saw a family passing around the McDeathburger crap on an Orange Line to New Carrollton. Once we got off at McPherson Square, we told the Metro employees who were very responsive.

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MJ. · 722 weeks ago

As a red-liner, I cringe every time I hear about this glorious train directly behind this one. Reason being, I take the train to Glenmont. When I get on a Glenmont bound train, there really is a train directly behind it in the sense that a normal person could understand. BUT!!!!! That train is only going to Silver Spring.

What I would like the conductor(?) to say is "there is a train DIRECTLY behind this one. You can see the headlights. If you are getting off at Silver Spring or prior and are having issues standing or breathing in this car, please step off this train and board the next one."

2 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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Guest · 722 weeks ago

It's especially amusing when they make the "another train directly behind" announcement at Rosslyn on the west/south bound platform, where the orange and blue lines split. Yeah, there's another train directly behind...and it's going somewhere else!

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LMKCRB · 722 weeks ago

Assuming it's running correctly!

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erfgef · 722 weeks ago

"intentionally placed himself on the tracks"

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Guest · 722 weeks ago

Ive been riding the train for 30 yrs and remember when the train driver would remain silent. If he had to leave his cab and walk to the rear of the train people would ask him questions and he would ignore them.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

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Ugh · 722 weeks ago

This would be preferable in most cases.

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GDopplerXT · 722 weeks ago

Slow news day at Unsuck today I guess.

Don't quit your day job, Darren. Unless you're a comedian during the day.

5 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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unsuckdcmetro 92p · 722 weeks ago

Mr. Anti-snark goes snarky!

I'm waiting with baited breath for your incredibly newsy submission. I guess it'll be here momentarily.

-17 Vote up Vote down

GDopplerXT · 722 weeks ago

Hey, I do like a bit of snark every now and again. When it's the only way you know how to express yourself, then you've got a problem.

Non-snark:
1) I guess I just don't understand the point of posts like today's.

2) I have no newsy submission for you. As with the vast majority of my trips on Metro, this morning's commute was problem-free. Although I guess I can complain about the fact that I *just* missed the bus as I was getting to my stop, so I had to wait about 4 minutes in the searing heat for the next one. And to top it all off, the bus driver said good morning to me as I boarded.

+16 Vote up Vote down

unsuckdcmetro 92p · 722 weeks ago

I would think such a clever person (and avid reader) could come up with something interesting to say about Metro if they really wanted to.

There's a shortage of good things to say about Metro, so bring it.

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ANonymous · 722 weeks ago

The point is clear. Metro has a new communications head who seems like a breath of fresh air. It's time for Metro to take another look at some of the stale ways it communicates with riders.

+7 Vote up Vote down

Corresponding Toads · 722 weeks ago

Well well well, someone pointing out that news is slow on a blog about public transit...

GDoppler, your life must be p. slow right now. (as is mine, obv.)

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Sam · 722 weeks ago

Although it has been mentioned already, I get sick of hearing Metro say that they "regret" the inconvenience. It's always "We regret any inconvenience" and never "We apologize for any inconvenience". Is this a liability thing that causes Metro to avoid apologizing (and thus, admitting guilt) whenever possible?

The other thing I hate is when I'm heading home (I use the Franconia-Springfield stop), most operators always say "The last and final stop..." instead of "The next and final stop...". The redundancy drives me nuts.

My last and final issue isn't with word selection, but with word pronunciation. There is this female operator on blue and yellow that over-annunciates. Really badly. A soon as I hear here voice, I have to leave the train and wait for a new one. I can't ride 10-15 stops with that voice.

7 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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Metro Ryder · 722 weeks ago

I do the same thing when I hear that woman. It drives me insane.

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Lauren F · 722 weeks ago

I wonder if that's the one I call "Robot Lady"? She says everything in this weird monotone voice.

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Sam · 722 weeks ago

Yes, she sounds exactly like a robot. That's what I call her too.

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dcn8v · 721 weeks ago

Actually, my train driver said, "We apologize for the delay" while stopped in a tunnel last night. It was very polite. Hope it doesn't get him fired!

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Sam · 721 weeks ago

He'll probably get fired from deviating from official Metro standard operating procedures.

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Corresponding Toads · 722 weeks ago

Love the operator on the red line who sounds like this:

"Next stop... JOOOO-DISHUWARYYYYYY, SKO-WAY-YERRRRRRRRRrrrrrrr...."

Gets me every time!

4 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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Guest · 722 weeks ago

It could be worse. I remember when I was a kid in the 80s and it always sounded like the teachers on Charlie Brown cartoons.

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KWM · 722 weeks ago

Ugh. Me too. Right up there with "Nucular" and "Wensday" and "Libarry" and "Foilage".

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anon · 721 weeks ago

"Wensday"?

If you're referring to the day of the week... that IS how it's pronounced. The "d" is silent.

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Lauren F · 722 weeks ago

I think I heard him on the orange line, saying "McPherson-McPherson-McPherson Squarrrrrrrrrrre." I like the ones with a sense of humor. Like the guy that told really bad jokes while we were stopped "momentarily" in a tunnel. And there's another guy who sounds kind of like Urkel, which is weird.

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DCite · 722 weeks ago

"thank you for your patience ..."

Err, is it only me or does that phrase imply we had a choice in the matter?

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anon · 722 weeks ago

One of the underlying announcement problems is that they are generally way, way, way too verbose.

Here's a tip, Metro. The people who need to hear the announcements - or, more precisely, the people whom you want to hear them - are there in the station. There aren't other people who can ignore the announcement, in other words.

So you don't need to say "Attention customers and station managers, the following is a Metro elevator outage report." Just say "Attention, the following elevators are out of service."

I mean, this isn't a commencement address: "Fellow students, teachers, my mentor, the janitors, my bunny rabbit, and Slim Shady, today is the first day of the last week of the next to last month of our entire lives."

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

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n2deep · 722 weeks ago

the operators must make them longwinded announcements as per management. no wonder no one listens to the announcements when they seem to be constant

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KWM · 722 weeks ago

Personally I never felt as though "we apologize for any inconvenience..." sounds like much of an apology. Its kind of like when my husband says "I'm sorry you're mad".

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Train B. Movin · 722 weeks ago

"Shady Grove is the *last* and *final* station on the Red Line."

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AGM · 722 weeks ago

Last week, my brother and I were heading back towards Huntington Station on the Yellow Line and train operator was actually very informative. For example, at King Street Station, she announced where the train station was and what hotels were close to the station. I wish more train operators were like her.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

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auragoneboy · 722 weeks ago

Yeah, I know of that driver. She's a good operator and has a pleasing voice. One of Metro's stars.

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Metro rider · 722 weeks ago

I'd like to get rid of *schedule adjustment*. I'm starting to think that metro doesn't have a schedule.

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Anon · 722 weeks ago

What would really make me happy is add money on to my Smart trip card when I am late getting off. The Metro conductors would not have to make any "I am Sorry ....." announcments at all!!! : ))