Unsuck DC Metro: Where have All the Manners Gone?

Monday, January 24, 2011

Where have All the Manners Gone?

ALERT: Red Line riders should expect longer than usual commute today due to cracked rail. Single tracking between Shady Grove and Twinbrook.

From Takoma Mama:

I commute with my one year-old son in a front carrier (i.e., "wearing" him, not in a stroller). I should not have to ask other riders to let me sit. It's the same as being pregnant except there is NO QUESTION that I am carrying a baby!

I am appalled by the number of people who don't offer me a seat. They either pretend I'm not standing in front of them with a baby, or maybe, they think I'm carrying him as a recreational hobby.

Ever since I was obviously showing--when I was six months pregnant--I have kept a log of who does and doesn't let me sit, often with pictures of what I was wearing--in case someone might think I was fat vs. pregnant.

Sometimes, the "offenders" seemed to think they warranted their "right" to sit over a woman carrying a baby because they were reading a paper, texting, holding their purse on their lap, were obese, etc.

It's become a fascinating daily sociological study at the expense of my slowly compressing spine.

Most incredible are the people who grab a vacated seat as I'm trying to get to it. This while other seated passengers see me struggle to maneuver to a vacant seat, lose my footing, then try to balance myself and baby on the moving Metro!

I travel quite a bit, and the only place that is worse is NYC--not something DC should be proud of.

The best place: Prague, where rude riders who don't give up a seat to a woman and baby run the very real risk of getting loudly berated by elderly passengers.

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Comments (139)

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+67 Vote up Vote down

vanceastro 111p · 739 weeks ago

Sure, Metro riders generally suck (as does most of American society these days). But so does the overweening sense of entitlement that you display in this letter. I've got 3 kids myself. Difference between you and me is I begin the day with the expectation that people will be selfish jerks, especially when I'm trying to corral all 3 of them in a crowded public situation. When somebody isn't a jerk, I'm pleasantly surprised. This attitude helps keep me balanced. You should give it a try sometime.

1 reply · active 739 weeks ago

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F'n JD · 739 weeks ago

Childbirth is a choice. Wearing your child while commuting is also a choice. It is not a handicap. It is not a physical condition. Your sense of entitlement is what is unwarranted.

During your pregnancy you are entitled to a seat. After childbirth, you have no greater right than any other commuter to a seat. And given that you are getting on at Takoma, you're more likely to find a full train.

It's not about their rights vs. your rights...its about who got on where. Seats are fair game.

6 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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MondayCommute · 739 weeks ago

Unrelated but every time there is a planned rally on the mall, there are delays, track implosions, general chaos in the tubes... Real problems or Jeter and minions not wanting to deal with the crowds... What are the odds that EVERY line of the metro has a "cracked rail."

Just saying...

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ANONYMOUS · 739 weeks ago

There are still some good eggs out there. I've definitely seen passengers leap from their seats to offer them to older women, pregnant women or people who looked injured.

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MrManners · 739 weeks ago

The real question is, could we EVER make Takoma Mama happy? By passive-aggressively "keeping a log," she's made the leap from, "no you di'int," to, "I wish somebody would." If you did hold a door for her, or gave her your seat, would you get a lecture about chauvinism, instead? She sounds like she's actively seeking out conflict.

...and for the record, I would jump up and offer her my seat in a second, because I believe it's the right thing to do. I have a feeling she's one of those wonderful Washingtonians who would sit right down without a, "thank you," though. I'd fully expect a, "damn right you gave up your seat," glare.

I hope I never run into her, because I'm sure she'd ruin my day.

2 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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@hurricanedc · 739 weeks ago

Why does the character holding the baby in that sign have only one leg? It's not even like she's missing a leg, because the thing is pretty much centered.

3 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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dddddda · 739 weeks ago

Or, you know, we could have a much more serious disability (for riding jerky, stop-and-go trains) and you wouldn't necessarily know it. I see plenty of people stand while "wearing" their children (that's the beauty, free hands to hold onto a pole) with no trouble. And, I get on at Rhode Island Ave. And hardly EVER have to stand. Lemme guess? You HAVE to be in a middle car because you're too lazy to walk across a couple platforms and get in the front or back. Or...your "precious cargo" should be "protected" in a middle car. Yeah, apparently, this extends past birth...
http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl...

3 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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Nathan · 739 weeks ago

Why can't fat people get seats too? It's tough for them to stand also.

5 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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Ever and Anon · 739 weeks ago

Why is the writer surprised anyway? We are in a world where it is everyone for themselves. Did we not recently debate about lack of public support/interest/assistance when someone was being beaten in public by strangers?

Meanwhile, lady with child. >I< have physical limitations not easily visible and cannot stand on moving floors. >I< am white haired too and older than you and the kid. >I< too have had children and corraled them on public transit and around town.

Where do you get off thinking you deserve more than anyone else? Can you stand on the moving train and hold on with one hand? Good for you! I cannot do it. I fall down taking anyone near with me. You should be happy you have a healthy child that you need to deal with on the train. Stop making assumptions that everyone who's sitting and doesn't show a third eye or amputated leg is as healthy as you. That's the very attitude that is increasing this very lack of courtesy of which you speak.

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F'n JD · 739 weeks ago

I have a shoulder problem that makes standing and holding an above head safety pole painful. Why doesn't the woman carrying her child move to let me sit?

Because I don't ask because she got on first...

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

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anon · 739 weeks ago

Agree with other posters. I mean, I'm injured right now with a really horrific sprain that requires a splint and makes it very painful to stand on a herky-jerky train but I'm not handicapped, I'm not a senior and nobody OWES me a seat.

That being said, I'm getting awfully tired of people who push and shove to get out of a train. You know what? Everybody is trying to get off at metro center. EVERYBODY. Shoving me does not make it happen faster - but it does cause me exruciating pain as I twist and turn my injured leg to try and not fall.

Riding metro sucks. For everyone. Get used to it and don't complain to me and if I'm on your little "log" you can take the page, rip it out, crumple it up and stick it where the sun don't shine.

3 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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Radner · 739 weeks ago

Common courtesy is a thing of the past. As in - not so common anymore. Which also brings up the question of: Why don't you say something! I'm happy to give up my seat, but I'm not willing to look up from my book long enough to see who is getting on. If you ask me for the seat, I'll give it to you. You can't expect me to pay attention to you, and the hundred others standing around, long enough to see that you're carrying a child. DO YOUR PART! If you want a seat ASK FOR IT. Don't just stand there with a grimace and log book expecting people to care about you.

4 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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Ever and Anon · 739 weeks ago

Righteous indignation! Ain't it great? LOL!

+25 Vote up Vote down

Sue · 739 weeks ago

Who does this woman think she is, the queen? Carrying your child "on you" is your choice and seems a bit silly on a crowded metro. Get a stroller and get a clue - the world does not revolve around you.

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amber · 739 weeks ago

I made the mistake of taking the Metro while I was pregnant and no one ever offered me a seat. I always had to ask. I didn't understand because usually the person I asked got off at the next stop. I was asking when I was obviously pregnant. I wasn't expecting anyone to give me a seat when I was 3 months but at 8 and 9 months, yes. The redline was the worst. I remember being pushed around as people boarded the train when I was 2 weeks away from due date. I accidently bumped into a woman and she yelled at me for the next two stops telling me how fat I was even though I had said I was sorry. It was horrible experience.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

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Laowai · 739 weeks ago

In a PACKED (and I mean packed by Chinese standards!) Beijing bus one time the driver pulled over and waded into the crowd to yell at a man for failing to give up his seat for my very pregnant wife. I'd like to see a Metrobus driver pull that one!

4 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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WindowLickingGood · 739 weeks ago

Despite the entitlement issues people have spoken up with, I think the other thing that needs to be mentioned that the original poster does not is that "Did she ever ASK people to give her a seat if she needs it so badly, or just stand there assuming someone would notice her and give her a seat"

Not all of us are psychic, and perhaps you can meet us halfway by at least asking us nicely for a seat, before assuming everyone on the metro is a selfish jackass.

+24 Vote up Vote down

Glad · 739 weeks ago

I am amazed that people with children think that they have more rights than everyone else. I have had to stand many a time and I have a physical handicap. So, GET OVER IT.

Drive if you don't like that people don't offer you a seat because you're carrying a child. Give me a break

2 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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Anon · 739 weeks ago

If you want to sit down, please ask for the seat, I'll happily give it to you, no questions asked, for anyone.

But if I'm not in one of the "reserved" seats near the doors, I don't have an obligation to constantly scan every passenger and figure out if I do or don't have to give them my seat. I just want to read my paper and get to work.

Just a simple "Excuse me, could I sit down please?" is all it takes.

2 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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dclobbyist -113p · 739 weeks ago

I can see this woman's point, and as a father of two small kids I completely understand it. I was travelling with my 8 month pregnant wife and our 4 year old. My wife asked a 20 somthing guy --- who was sitting in the handicapped seat --- if she could sit there. He rudely told her to "go sit somewhere else". This was hard to do when all of the seats were taken. I grabbed the guy by the jacket, yanked him out of the seat and threw him into the nearest pole. So much for his "entitlement"

19 replies · active 739 weeks ago

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Guest · 739 weeks ago

If you feel so strongly that you're entitled like that, just ask.

+11 Vote up Vote down

anon · 739 weeks ago

If you can afford to have kids, you can afford a car or at least a taxi for the occasional weekday trip with the baby. OR just wait until rush hour is over! Starting a family before planning your daycare situation or how you will travel with the baby is irresponsible. We're all just trying to get to work in peace.

3 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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Julieann · 739 weeks ago

You're not pregnant or elderly, you don't get my seat. It's not my fault you choose to carry your child on you bodily.

+18 Vote up Vote down

Guest · 739 weeks ago

I am more than happy to offer my seat to an elderly person, a pregnant woman, or someone who is blind or disabled. I would also be happy to give up my seat to this woman, if she asked me. However, I think respect goes both ways, and the world doesn't revolve around you if you happen to have a baby with you. She doesn't know the difficulties some people might be experiencing, difficulties that are unseen instead of strapped to the front of them. She reminds me of those women who are happy to let their babies cry and scream in restaurants instead of taking them out somewhere to calm to calm them down in order to not disturb other patrons.

2 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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Max · 739 weeks ago

For the record, I'll give up my seat if you're elderly or obviously pregnant (save for the one time some pregnant woman yelled at me for being chauvinist pig (I'm a guy) for offering my seat.

Ladies, just because you're a woman doesn't entitle you to a seat. Unlike others, I don't think you're necessarily weaker because you lack a Y chromosome.

+21 Vote up Vote down

O. Bese · 739 weeks ago

As a self-appointed representative of the "obese," I'm going to throw out there that I will never, ever give my fat seat to anyone who continues to "wear" their baby and thinks it's "the same as being pregnant."

+7 Vote up Vote down

@deafinthecity · 739 weeks ago

The problem lies with your expectation. If you want to sit down, you gotta ask. I'm sure there was a post about this a while back about people seat hogging.

Speak up and don't be afraid to make a scene if they are rude to you.

-43 Vote up Vote down

acorn · 739 weeks ago

Wow- no wonder it's so unpleasant to ride the metro. Most of you commenters are real jerks!

Waaah, waahh, you got pregnant by choice, so I shouldn't have to give up my seat because I chose not to reproduce (and thank you for that, we don't need your genes in the pool- but does the guy who is on crutches because he went skiing by choice get a seat?)

Waaah, waaah, my friend has a friend who once heard a pregnant woman rudely decline a seat so I won't ever offer because of my tender little ears....

Waaaah, waaah, if you're carrying a baby you don't get my seat because apparently we are all supposed to drag our children around by the hair or something.... (I really, really don't get this one. Why would you want a mom carrying a baby to become injured if the train lurches and she falls?)

2 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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Sydney · 739 weeks ago

"Wow- no wonder it's so unpleasant to ride the metro. Most of you commenters are real jerks! "

I agree. I've routinely offered my seat to pregnant women and to mothers (or fathers) with children, and I'm a woman. Aside from the obvious safety concerns (if the train suddenly jerks forward, etc., she could fall with her baby), it's just good manners. But as the saying goes, common sense isn't that common and neither are good manners. I've also seen elderly passengers forced to stand for stops at a time as well. A simple unselfish gesture goes a long way in these cases.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

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DCrider · 739 weeks ago

I don't think it's about who deserves or doesn't. It's just about being nice. Metro could sure use a lot more nice.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

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andy · 739 weeks ago

If the car is full I will always offer my seat to elderly, women or people with small kids. But I was raised to be polite to others.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

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alex · 739 weeks ago

I don't even think twice about giving my seat up to someone who has a small child. It baffles me that so many people commenting on here think there's something wrong with that. These are basic manners. I think the supposed log book she keeps is taking it a bit too far, but still...I'll always give up a seat for a lady, with child or not.

-41 Vote up Vote down

dclobbyist -113p · 739 weeks ago

Most of the comments here prove that Metro riders really are a selfish, lazy lot.

7 replies · active 739 weeks ago

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Guest · 739 weeks ago

Original Poster lost me at: "I have kept a log of who does and doesn't let me sit."

4 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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demonfafa 50p · 739 weeks ago

I've offered my seat to various people I've thought were in need and I've gotten *mostly* positive responses whether they take it or not. (Usually, a "thank you, young man!" as they take my seat or a "No, but thank you, that's very thoughtful" if they don't take it)

But there's always that once-a-year or so response that turns you off to offering it entirely: The asshole who thinks they don't need a seat and will berate you for calling their mobility into question, whether it be a mother with a child or an old guy with a cane.

While I'm not deterred to offer people my seat, it's not a given. The level of entitlement this woman has is staggering. Just ASK! Enough people have gotten the negative response I mentioned and while it's a shame, it's quite understandable they have no wish to engage people who might sour their day any more than Metro already has.

Get off your high horse, lady and just ask (politely).

+8 Vote up Vote down

mama · 739 weeks ago

As a mother, I don't entirely understand the poster's complaint about her 1 year old. I avoid taking my son on the metro during rush hour as much as possible (rogue backpacks, foot stompers, etc.) but when I do I wear him I never expect anyone to give up a seat. Same thing when I'm pushing a stroller, we're happy hanging out and he's already sitting, so no big deal.

On the other hand, people are atrocious to pregnant women. My first regular exposure to public transportation was during my study abroad in Russia, and we ended up calling the first two seats on the bus the "jump seats" because that's what you did when anyone less fit than you got on. I expect the same consideration from people in the handicap seats, and mostly that's not the case (there were a few wonderful exceptions, who I thanked warmly). I always wondered why, and now I know: it's all my fault for procreating. Still doesn't explain why I, as a pregnant woman three rows back, was the only one willing to give up my seat for a guy in a cast...

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James · 739 weeks ago

Just thought I'd throw my two cents in too. This woman sounds dreadful. You made the choice to have a kid...suck it up.

-22 Vote up Vote down

Sydney · 739 weeks ago

Sheesh, some of the attitudes displayed here provide ample justification for the sour dispositions of a number of Metro employees. What joys to deal with. The recent articles about the general decline in public civility are spot-on.

6 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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RunnerLady · 739 weeks ago

I consider myself to be uber-considerate and am one of those people who actually does actively evaluate whether anyone might need my seat more than I do. However, I must agree that my inclination is not to offer my seat to a woman such as the one who carries her child and believes that entitles her to preferential treatment.

While I do not liken her choice to carry her child to her choice to become pregnant, I do consider the decision to be one that does not obligate me to give her any more consideration than I'd give to student carrying a large backpack. If carrying her son is such a burden, get a stroller.

I agree that the existence of her "rudeness" log certainly supports her entitlement attitude. The post made me think... I'm a runner, and after a long run or race I am pretty sore and tired. I admit there have been times that I've longed for a seat and thought that if other riders knew how much pain I was in they'd offer me some relief. But the fact is that I am able enough to inflict the pain and suffering on myself. If riding the metro was unbearable because of it, I should stop running or take the day off.

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

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horseydeucey · 739 weeks ago

On the other hand, the new banner looks great!

2 replies · active 739 weeks ago

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WangFU · 739 weeks ago

I would give up my seat, but then old one-strapped-on-baby mom would just have to give it up again for the lady with two babies strapped to her chest. Later, a Mormon couple wearing matching CIA sequin sweatshirts would hop on and half the train would have to give up their seats.

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just me · 739 weeks ago

I remember being on a crowded train, this is one of the newer ones where there is a lot of open space with nothing to hold on to. I am 5 feet tall so I have to really reach to get the horrazontal bar at the top, when I started to reach up to get it a gentleman got up had let me have his seat. That is the kind of person I remember, I don't need a photo, he is a well dressed black man, guessing he is in his 30s. That was very kind of him and I told him so when I thanked him.

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James Boyd · 739 weeks ago

Takoma Mama, I have an actual, visible disability. Yes, everyone can see that I am disabled. I have been offered a seat exactly one time in 6 years of riding the Metro twice per day. There is a very large difference between you and I though. You decided to spawn, I happened to have brain cancer against my choice, which left the right side of my body effectively useless. You made a choice to have a child, deal with it. Also, I don't let my misfortune get in the way of my day to day life. I don't EXPECT a seat. If I get one, that's great and all, and I know that my ride home will be easier.

3 replies · active less than 1 minute ago

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d.Alexander · 739 weeks ago

Takoma Mama, omg thanks for this laugh...i have a few questions regarding her post.. 1; why does she feel that the baby carrier is a smart move on public transit if you’re going to complain about seating? 2; why is she keeping a log? (shouldn't she be watching/playing w/ her baby instead of writing and taking photos) I know if I saw that I would assume that she’s fine w/ standing w/ the baby…3. What makes her so important that she is entitled to a seat b/c she chose to bring her child w/ her during this trip (umm baby sitter and or husband/boyfriend) (what about blind people, or the deaf that take the train?) I am a male and I often offer my seat to females (no prejudice against age, disability etc.) but I get rude replies… DID I ASK U FOR A SEAT? So when people have instances of rudeness as such it becomes difficult to continue to offer a seat…truth of the matter is people are going to do as they want regardless. I don’t take the train expecting ANYONE to be nice to me… we live in reality here not Disney

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Just Me · 739 weeks ago

A women gets on at Court House in the morning and ask for one of the seats for those needed by people with health issues and age she gets one with no problem, she gets off at Federal Triangle. One day I had to jog to keep up with her and gave her a how dare you look. I never saw her again, she either changed her time or picks up another car. I will gladly give my seat to anyone that needs it but she better never ask me for one.

I do offer my seat to people I think needs one, I get a no I am okay or thank you and they take it.

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cwilliams428 25p · 739 weeks ago

Without commenting on the OP here:

Any male that sees a pregnant woman or small child bearing woman (or clearly handicapped) standing near them while they sit and who doesn't don't jump out of his seat and offer it to said woman, you gave up your man card. You may be male, but a man you are not.

I dare you to go home and tell your mothers and your wives you let a pregnant woman stand while you could sit beside her so you could read your paper in comfort.

Wussies.

Further, I've seen (standing myself mind you) entirely too many women do the right thing when the "males" sitting around the area (who no doubt think base on the comments here "F her, my comfort matters more") forgot they had a pair and some duties that go along with it. So, a big salute and thank you to you ladies out there who've taken up the slack some of these metrosexual "all about me all the time" males have refused to haul.

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Ted · 739 weeks ago

Personally I like to get on the train and just simply mind my own business. If I happen to be sitting in the seat at the end of the row by the door and I see a woman struggling to get on the train, I'll do the nice thing and offer her my seat. But unfortunately you never know what people are thinking or how they will react. So while I consider myself to be doing a good thing, sometimes I end up getting more than what I bargained for. There have even been times where I've quietly gotten up from my seat to make it available for someone who needs it more than I do, only for some lazy teenager to jump in it before the needy person sees it.

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Rolling my eyes · 738 weeks ago

If your spine is "slowly compressing," why do you continue to wear your baby on your body? The difference between you and a pregnant lady is that you can unload your child at any time if you really wanted to, while a pregnant lady cannot. This makes you no different from a student with a heavy backpack. You wouldn't expect someone to rush to give them a seat, so what makes you think that someone should do the same for you?