Unsuck DC Metro: The New Language of Metro

Thursday, January 26, 2012

The New Language of Metro

From CS:

They say language is always evolving, so herewith some suggestions for new lexicon inspired by the continuing dysfunction known as Metro.

MF factor (noun) – Abbreviation for “Metro F*ck-up factor”; denotes change in person’s behavior, or defensive measure taken, in response to continuing erosion of service on Metro.

Suggested usage:

“Man, if I want to get to work on time, I need to leave an MF factor of 25 minutes.”

“If I meet you at Metro Center, how much of an MF factor do you think we need?”

Stessel (noun, verb) – Referring to attempts at spin, manipulation, or deception, by such means as setting up straw men, outright lying, or misleading by omission.

Suggested usage:

“When Metro said it would run later rush-hour service the day the government opened late, that turned out to be just stesseling.”

“Hey, Metro, how much you going to stessel us this time?!”

Jeter (noun, verb) – A colossally screwed up situation; syn. FUBAR. Or, to screw something up royally.

Suggested usage: “It was a complete jeter Monday when they were single-tracking during rush hour.”

“I really got jetered today – off-loaded three times during one commute.”

Door (verb) – Train taken out of service the millionth time for, wait for it – door problems.

Suggested usage: “Sorry I’m late – got doored at Rosslyn.

So let’s hear from you – what other usages can you come up with? What other Metro-morphs of the language are out there?

Other items:
Street cars could spur property boom (Examiner)
Caught in the path of the Purple Line WaPo)

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+4 Vote up Vote down

Guest · 686 weeks ago

Sarles (noun, verb) - Referring to someone once seen as a transformative figure only to turn out to be a major failure and disappointment. (See also Obama)

Suggested usage: After taking the CEO position of a failing company, John sarlsed it up, and the company went bankrupt.

+26 Vote up Vote down

Calabria · 686 weeks ago

Escalator (noun): fancy metal stairs that look like they probably should move, but do not.

Suggested usage: I walked up the really long escalator at Rosslyn today... It would've been nice if there was a faster and easier way up from the platform, but the elevator was out of service, too.

+11 Vote up Vote down

F'n JD · 686 weeks ago

Railed - (verb) when a broken rail causes single tracking and subsequent massive delays. typically happens during rush hour.

1 reply · active 686 weeks ago

+21 Vote up Vote down

JWC · 686 weeks ago

I was totally Jetered by the red line this morning and I didn't allot enough time in my MF factor. I wonder how it will be Stesseled?

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@Hell_on_wheelz · 686 weeks ago

Metro minutes- the concept of time used in the Metro Rail/Metro Bus system. It is the time until the next train as displayed on the platform PIDs or the time given by NextBus.

These minutes bear no resemblance to real time as measured by the US Naval Observatory Master Clock or any other recognized time keeping device. In practical application Metro minutes can be thought of as 2-3 times the length of a standard minute but, as time runs differently in the Metro system, there is no guarantee that the multiplier will be evenly applied.

4 replies · active 686 weeks ago

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perkinsms 75p · 686 weeks ago

You're just experiencing time dilation due to traveling at near-relativistic speeds.

+9 Vote up Vote down

John · 686 weeks ago

Can this be interchanged with "momentarily"?

+1 Vote up Vote down

anon · 686 weeks ago

I've noticed on the Red Line the PIDs seem to two minutes too slow (surprise, surprise). If it says you have 3 minutes you really only have 1.

0 Vote up Vote down

slb · 686 weeks ago

and it's the reverse at Shaw...if the PID before the faregates at 8th and R says 1 minute, you have enough time to get down to the platform and walk all along it to the front of a northbound train before it arrives.

+19 Vote up Vote down

Kevin · 686 weeks ago

'Dr. Gridlocked' (adj). A state-of-being whereby an individual is totally uninformed about what is going on; lacking in knowledge or information.

Suggested usage: "As the out of town tourists were offloaded onto the Metro Center platform at rush-hour, they were completely Dr. Gridlocked over what to do."

+2 Vote up Vote down

Kara · 686 weeks ago

redline (exclamation) .... fill in the blank

+9 Vote up Vote down

John · 686 weeks ago

Directly (adverb). A measurement of location of an object that ranges anywhere from 100 feet to a few miles.

Suggested usage: "The operator of the crowded train stated that there was a train directly behind them. However, people on the platform waited 10 minutes for the next overcrowded train to arrive."

+48 Vote up Vote down

DC Denizen · 686 weeks ago

Station Manager (n): A person who is surly and has no interest in working to alleviate an unpleasant situation.

Suggested usage: I tried asking my husband to move his car so I could get out of the driveway this morning, but he was being a total Station Manager and wouldn't get off his phone to find out what I needed.

1 reply · active 686 weeks ago

+4 Vote up Vote down

One take · 686 weeks ago

niiiice!

+7 Vote up Vote down

asdfasd · 686 weeks ago

Shit (n) - see Metro

+10 Vote up Vote down

Anony Mouse · 686 weeks ago

L'enfant (noun, verb): vulgar slang used as an expletive

Suggested usage: "What the l'enfant?! What's Metro's l'enfanting excuse why the l'enfanting escalators aren't working TODAY?!"

2 replies · active 686 weeks ago

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F'n JD · 686 weeks ago

No. L'enfant laid out the grid of the city...WMATA screwed up the subway.

+2 Vote up Vote down

@savemetro · 686 weeks ago

L'enfant (noun, verb) : pronounced (LA-font) : to get beat up or robbed.

Suggested usage: A group of thugs just L'enfanted this guy.

+21 Vote up Vote down

John · 686 weeks ago

Unsuck (verb): To fight against corruption, fraud, mismanagement, and stupidity.

Suggested usage: I noticed there was a lot of money that was unaccounted for, so I didn't rest until I was able to unsuck the situation.

+7 Vote up Vote down

DCDriver · 686 weeks ago

Wow...Metro really Schruted this morning's commute...

+5 Vote up Vote down

Ever and Anon · 686 weeks ago

Delayed by - Normal expected arrival time

Upgrades - a PR spin concept not actually related to improving services

Improvements - see Upgrades

Overhaul - see Improvements

snafu - acronym for Several Normally Automated Features Undone

On the fence - Metro slang for Fear of Unsuck

Single Tracking - Phrase used to denote break parts lost on tracks and not yet found.

+2 Vote up Vote down

anony · 686 weeks ago

I-95, I-395, I-495, I-66, I-270 (verb) - to avoid problems

Suggested usage: Mark is always 66-ing his drug problem.

2 replies · active 686 weeks ago

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John · 686 weeks ago

I-66 to avoid problems? Have you ever been on that road?

+7 Vote up Vote down

Nick · 686 weeks ago

or any of those roads?

LOL TRAFFIC

+7 Vote up Vote down

DivaProdigy · 686 weeks ago

Redlined - to end up on the bad end of any situation invovling metro. See also screwed. In most extreme form, being redlined can mean being killed by WMATA error

Example: I was totally redlined this morning when the train's brakes fell off. Fortunately, I was in the center section of the train.

+2 Vote up Vote down

Arnaud · 686 weeks ago

"Station-Managing the light": Turning off the light in your booth to pretend you're not here when angry customers finally get out of this shitty metro after 32 minutes stuck in a tunnel between Cleveland Park and Van Ness.
The station manager this morning at Medical Center perfectly station-managed the light...

+7 Vote up Vote down

jenster8dc · 686 weeks ago

"We regret any inconvenience and thank you for your patience" -- A string of nonsensical syllables used as an attempt to soothe after delivery of bad news.

+7 Vote up Vote down

Joolz · 686 weeks ago

Lose a brake disc: To fall apart, literally or figuratively; an element of danger or an impending catastrophe is implied. ("Wow, those ceiling tiles at Farragut North have totally lost a brake disc.")

+4 Vote up Vote down

Metrolady · 686 weeks ago

Fishishion: The quickly-made decision whether to stay in the car that smells like rotten fish, or, to dart to the next car gambling on whether it smells even worse.
Example: Sorry I showed up at the meeting late and smelling like rotten fish - I was riding the Metro which broke down and had made the bad fishishion to stay in the smelly car.

-28 Vote up Vote down

Grsvnr · 686 weeks ago

No post on today's rail crack and mega delays on Red line? No post on embezzlement by WMATA employee and security officer? Surely more to do with unsucking than making up cute words.

8 replies · active 686 weeks ago

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unsuckdcmetro 92p · 686 weeks ago

Ingrate (noun) - - people who complain about free blogs done in someone's free time and about Metro.

Usage: You are an ingrate.

+10 Vote up Vote down

Sam · 686 weeks ago

Comment of the week.

Grsvnr, please feel free to write a letter requesting a full refund of your membership fees to Unsuck. I'm sure he'll comply.

-13 Vote up Vote down

deedub · 686 weeks ago

G is right to a point. Unsuck can't expect to be held on a voice-of-the-people pedestal if he's just as lazy as Gridlock when real news happens.

that's assuming Unsuck even wants to be held to that level. from the sound of Sam's post, he's already there.

+13 Vote up Vote down

UnSuck Fan · 686 weeks ago

Reminder: This blog is being operated on UnSuck's own FREE time in addition to him having a full-time job and keeping up with streams of tweets that are directed to him.

I, too, was surprised that UnSuck did not cover the redline problems; HOWEVER, it is _his_ blog so we have to respect him for whatever free time he can devote to it.

Sometimes, if he doesn't have enough time to get to an additional post later in the day, it will be the leading topic tomorrow unless something else catches his interest; it's _his_ call.

By the way, please do NOT compare UnSuck's reporting to Dr. Gridlock's. There is _NO_ comparison, period.

-10 Vote up Vote down

deedub · 686 weeks ago

thanks for the reminder, counselor. I read this blog because I'm a fan. people have lives, I get it.

but when real news happens, it's not that much more difficult to link to a few outside sources (with paid reporters) than it is to quite emails and tweets. hell, it might even be easier.

that said, carry on. a disjointed stew of bitching is better than no stew at all.

+7 Vote up Vote down

UnSuck Fan · 686 weeks ago

If you're a fan, why don't you send him an e-mail asking him if you can help out by providing him a link with any reports of the account of today's red line problem? Or maybe, if you are a red line rider and were caught up in the chaos, ask if you can provide him with a first hand account so he might be able to use it for tomorrow's blog entry?

+1 Vote up Vote down

UnSuck Fan · 686 weeks ago

I wouldn't exactly say that this post is "closed" per se; I, myself, don't usually go back to older posts. I usually just read later comments from that day's post, but don't necessarily comment about them. However, for whatever it's worth, and in case anyone else comes back to this post to read and comment, I thought I'd say my last thoughts on this (hopefully).

I made my last comment around 6:45p.m or so. When I checked in one last time to see if anyone else commented on what I had said, it was around 11:00p.m. When I looked at the last comment that was posted, it showed that it had been posted an hour before.

When I had a free moment this morning (1/27), I checked UnSuck's Twitter feed and was very much surprised to see that he had tweeted, according to what his blog said, 7 hours ago. I checked his blog around 7:30a.m., which means he had tweeted around 12:30a.m. I can't say that I've noticed his prior tweeting that late at night before, but all I am saying is between operating this blog, reading tweets directed at him and sometimes re-tweeting them, tweeting comments himself, reviewing our comments to make sure they're suitable for posting, it's pretty darn fair to say that his hands are more than full!

Again, if you thought he dropped the ball when it came to reporting about the cracked rail on the red line, ask him if you could help him about by letting him know that you saw an article about it. Maybe he could use a little bit of help occasionally.

+5 Vote up Vote down

joker · 686 weeks ago

What an entitlement society we have now! Enjoy what the blog offers and STFU otherwise

+10 Vote up Vote down

James · 686 weeks ago

Normal (adjective) - FUBAR, a clusterf*ck, utter chaos

Usage: Normal service has returned to the Red Line.

+7 Vote up Vote down

One take · 686 weeks ago

Steam-train(ed): The tendency for Metro to authorize turning on the heat in metro cars if ever it rains during the characteristically frigid months of June-August.

1 reply · active 686 weeks ago

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One take · 686 weeks ago

Usage: possible weather report
“Washington Metro commuters can expect to be steam-trained should this approaching mid-summer weather system bring expected showers and thunderstorms.”

+7 Vote up Vote down

Anon · 686 weeks ago

Silver-Line (v): to reach to the approximate location of an intended target or goal; to do the bare minimum, often with inconvenience or lost resources; to be needlessly inconvenienced. Usage: "Oh, just silver-line it; that'll be close enough." "You wouldn't believe how much money I took off them, and it doesn't even work! Hahahaha, I really silver-lined them" "God, I just had to drag a 40-pound bag outside in 100 degree humid weather, up and down a bunch of non-working escaltors; I've been majorly silver-lined."

+2 Vote up Vote down

Anon · 686 weeks ago

Metro-sexually harrassed. (Self-explained)

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HunterWorthen · 686 weeks ago

"Off the grid" and "Ghost" : Metro Buses that disappear or don't show up on the Next Bus radar only to suddenly appear or reappear 2 minutes before they get to your stop, not giving you enough time to leave house, lock door and make it to the stop.

That D6 was off the grid until two blocks from my house, I went out the door to walk to the train just in time to watch the ghost roll by.

"Zombie" is a metro bus with a "Not in Service" sign that is, in fact, picking up passengers and winding down the street.

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Anon · 686 weeks ago

Sadly, these are two meanings for the word "Metro" we use in the office.

"Metro!" : a word that explains any aberrant behavior to suddenly sympathetic colleagues.
"Why did you slam the file down/yell at me/kick the door...."
" Metro!"
"Oh, OK. Understand!"

(n) Metro: flexible time.
"He'll be two hours late. He runs on Metro time."

+6 Vote up Vote down

Kevin · 686 weeks ago

Peak-of-the-Peak (n). A state of complete and utter chaos; pandemonium; anarchy.

Suggested usage. “I was going to hop on Metro to go home, but then I realized they it was peak-of-the-peak;” similarly, “Once Satan exerted his control over our Earthly dominion, things sure have been running at peak-of-the-peak.”

+6 Vote up Vote down

ann onny · 686 weeks ago

Elevator (n)--a metal box that neither opens nor closes and never moves.

+4 Vote up Vote down

IntensivePorpoises · 686 weeks ago

Peak of Twin Peaks - Bizarre feeling upon listening to Metro explain anything.

1 reply · active 686 weeks ago

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MadAsHeck · 686 weeks ago

Because it sounds like they're backwards-talking.

+3 Vote up Vote down

slb · 686 weeks ago

ghost train: train that passes through the station without stopping and with all lights out .

escadelaytor: an escalator that works when you get on it but slowly grinds to a halt while you're riding. This happened to me at Waterfront on Monday night (no one was hurt. no one was near the emergency stop button. yes, I made a complaint. the response I got did not indicate that anyone had actually read the complaint or was even aware of the topic of it).

+16 Vote up Vote down

inDCentWMATA · 686 weeks ago

Hakuna Wmata (State of mind) - The state of mind you reach when you realize something is so completely FUBARed and you stop being concerned over the risk to life, limb, job, social life, and personal health.

Suggested usage: "I know I'll probably die today, but hakuna wmata."

+4 Vote up Vote down

GlenmontGirl · 686 weeks ago

Emergency Call Button (n) - Something that only works 50% of the time.

Suggested usage: "I really hope my car starts today; it's such an emergency call button sometimes."

Apologize for the Inconvenience (v) - To insincerely pretend to care about a problem you most likely caused.

Suggested usage: "I ran over my neighbor's mailbox, but I apologized for the inconvenience."

Random bag inspections (n) - A policy put into place to fool people into feeling safer that is never actually enforced. See also: security theater.

Suggested usage: "My dad was complaining about the brakes on my car, but he stopped after I announced some random bag inspections."

2 replies · active 686 weeks ago

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Anony Mouse · 686 weeks ago

+10! Good ones! :)

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GlenmontGirl · 686 weeks ago

Thank you! :-)

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One take · 686 weeks ago

DC Metro Employee Playa Pimped (adj): The condition of not only being sexually harassed; but sexually harassed by an individual clearly wearing the distinguished uniform of their respective employer.

Usage: "I was merely checking in at the airport and the desk agent totally DC Metro Employee Playa Pimped me; as he was in fact, clearly ready for this jelly."

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@savemetro · 686 weeks ago

3rd-Rail (noun, verb) : the act of taking one's live by jumping off a metro platform

Suggested Usage: The MF factor on Orange line is 2 hours because someone 3rd railed it.

I apologize in advance if this offends anyone, just pointing out the obvious.